We’ve all had our hearts broken. I had to learn that a new man can’t put it together for me and that it was vital that I took the time to put it back together myself. I spent a lot of time alone, writing down my thoughts, listening to music and I spent a lot of time finding myself again.   I allowed myself to detox my mind and heart and cleanse it from the hurt. I hung out with friends who brought up my spirits and  spent a lot of time venting to those I could confide in, who got exhausted from hearing me talk about my break up.  All those worked for me. I knew for myself that it would be selfish of me and unfair to the next man I date to bring him into a situation where I was unstable and not ready to love him the way I needed to love him for it to work. I spent a lot of time reading, writing, praying, going to the gym, and taking care of myself first. I was trying to regain the love I had lost for myself while I was in a relationship. I re-evaluated the relationship and accepted what I no longer could change and accepted  the things that were no longer in my control. I made a list of things I can improve on for my next relationship and I worked on improving myself.  Learning from my past mistakes and allowing my experience to make me better rather than break me made me a stronger, wiser woman.  I can say it wasn’t easy but I knew that there was no point in being unhappy and allowing it to bring me down.  God gave me the strength to pull through and get over it.  I never gave up on love because I knew that whatever I had to deal with and what I went through was only to make me stronger and better for the next.  Here are a few things that helped me to mend my broken heart.

 

Take The Time to Heal 

After a break-up it takes time for us to get back on our feet and accept that the relationship ended and to really move on. You may feel rejected, shocked, hurt and just broken. Your whole world has been flipped upside down and now the person who you have loved and depended on to make you happy has taken your heart and crushed it to a million pieces. Take the time to cry (really cry!), vent to a friend, write down your feelings.   Let it all out.  Sometimes even re-evaluating the choices that were made from beginning to end will help you accept what went wrong,  realizing that actions made may not have been in your control. You want to express and release all the emotions that the break-up has fueled inside of you. Keeping all of it in and tucked away behind your heart will only make things difficult in the end. It would be unfair for the next man to feel the fury of your ex and it’s only fair to give the next person the same and equal chance and opportunity to love you like you gave to the last.  Accept that whatever event took place happened for a reason. Take the time to do the things you once used to love and make you happy before this man came into your life. Spend time with those who make you happy and smile and use the time to repair your heart. It doesn’t happen right away but time heals all wounds, It really does. Listen to your break-up tunes and just cry it out.  Accept that if it was meant to be, your heart wouldn’t be broken right now.  Let all the emotions out and try to see the positive in the situation and that now you’re stronger and wiser and now you have the opportunity to give your heart to someone more deserving of it.   I learned that it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.

Realize Your Self-Worth 

 He cheated on you, that’s why you’re walking away.. He hit you and you know you deserve better, that’s why you’re walking away. He didn’t want to commit.. That’s why you’re walking away. Whatever the reason, stick to your decision and choice to leave the relationship and realize that you are worthy of better. When he’s not treating you the way you deserve, won’t commit or can’t give you the time, know that you are worth more than that and there is a man out there who is willing to give you what you deserve. The love, respect, and commitment.  Have your best interest at heart first. Start doing things to regain your self esteem and don’t let a man bring you down.  The relationship might not have worked but it doesn’t make you a worse friend, mother, daughter or sister.  There are other people in your life that love you and value you, starting with yourself.  Knowing that I was worthy of so much more than what I was fighting for helped me realize that the break-up only motivated me to do better and want more from a man than to cut myself short and settle for less than what I deserve.

Accept and Forgive

In order to gain closure on a break-up you need to find it in your heart to forgive.  This is one of the hardest steps for me but the easiest in a way. Forgetting the hurt will be hard but the first step is accepting the end and forgiving the other person for the faults. Maybe you weren’t perfect either, but moving on and forgiving them is the only way you can add closure to the situation and move on. Harboring all that hate and anger inside will only grow heavy on your heart and make it harder for you to open up and move on to the next person.

You don’t want to enter a new relationship as a broken woman. It’s unfair for the new partner and it will only create more problems as the relationship progresses.   It’s unfair to yourself.  You will only begin  to numb yourself to any pain that may come your way and it won’t affect you emotionally because your heart is already broken.   Pick up the pieces and leave all the old baggage in the past. 

Take the time to heal your broken heart, accept the mistakes you’ve made in the last relationship and do better in the next. Carrying pain from relationship to relationship will only make things difficult for you and for anyone who is trying to love you. Take the time to repair your heart and put the pieces back together so that it’s whole when you are ready to give it to the next person. Nobody wants to date a broken woman. It’s emotionally draining for you and the next man and may only push him away. He deserves the same love and equal chance to show you love that you gave the last man.

xo ❤